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"One Damn Thing After Another. . ."

This is a quote attributed to Winston Churchill. He was referring to history. I will be referring to health as "one damn thing after another."

Many of you come to see me with health issues, some quite serious, some not so much. In either case, I work very hard as your health coach to figure out the best course of treatment for your particular complaint: I dance around my table thrusting endless vials into your face, touching and tapping your body, pulling on your arm, all the while, talking, explaining and cajoling. Maybe I will even adjust your neck and whatever else needs some tweaking.

You get over your initial PTSD. You then work even harder than I do by 1) sticking to your diet plan 2) taking all the pills 3) eliminating beloved foods from your diet (Wheat! Garlic! Wine!) and 4) all the other stuff I might suggest that you do so that you can get rid of your problem - like walking 30 minutes every day, being in the sunlight 30 minutes a day, buying expensive water filtration systems or at the very least a Britta, ripping out the tile in your shower so we can see what's under it.

Finally, after however long it takes you - 6 weeks, 8 weeks, maybe even 12 weeks or more - to get the clean bill of health from me, I tell you to "go ye forth and sin no more" or some such thing and to see me in a few months or sooner if something comes up for you. So as you're leaving my office, you're going, "Whew!" Been there, done that. I'm through with all this. I will be feeling this good forever!" (Now hear unpleasant buzzer sound.)

Well, no. And, here is where you might get a bit testy at having to call me again. Like there is some guarantee. (Not) And that you should remain well forever and ever. Our honeymoon is now officially over but you grit your teeth and call me anyway.

See, here's how it is: You live in the world. The world can be a very toxic place. Here are some possible re-infestation scenarios for you: You go out to eat where unknown persons of unknown cleanliness are preparing your food. Yuk. Or, you eat salads every day because you are now a very healthy person but sometimes you are in a hurry and don't wash the romaine that comes in the threesies bag looking so clean and all. You start not to feel so hot. Sort of like you did before when you had parasites. They're baaaaaak...!

Or, you go on a road trip. You stay in B&B's, motels, hotels. One of the beds at the motel you stayed in because it was cheaper and you were running out of money smells funky, sort of like mold, but you don't give it a second thought. When you get home, you start to feel grody, you have gas, indigestion, a funny rash on your neck and you think maybe you have your fungus, molds and yeast back. Well, guess what? You do.

Here's an even sneakier one: You decide to have some elective surgery, like a tummy tuck or a nose job, a breast reconstruction or maybe even a total Joan Rivers. You have anesthesia, lots of it. You are very happy with the way you look, but not so happy about the way you feel. It feels sort of like glass in your joints, you notice that your skin's kind of sallow and, scarier still, all of a sudden you find yourself searching for your son's name, your car in the McGuckin's lot, and then, the denouement - you start to put your Teacup Pomeranian in the freezer. You are ruing all the money you spent because now you are sure that you have Alzheimer's disease so it doesn't really matter how good you look when you are in the Home for the Befuddled.

But wait! This is how you felt when you first came in and I told you that you had too many chemicals and pesticides in your body. Well, now they're back, too.

The bad news is, yes, you often get your bad things back, but as usual, there is a silver lining. You actually have a clue about what's wrong with you and who to call to get rid of it. And the second (or third or fourth) time around  getting rid of parasites or yeast or chemicals - is a snap because we are working on a previously de-toxed body and one that remembers how to do it. Plus, you are not so freaked out anymore about de-toxing, taking a lot of pills and giving up your Merlot. You know you can do it.

So, see. It is "one damn thing after another", but nothing you should worry about. Just be glad, as I am, that I know what is making me feel bad and that I know someone who can help me.

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