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The Tabula Rasa of 2009

It's time for New Year's Resolutions. I have always spent some thoughtful time at the beginning of every year writing about what my old year was like and what I want my new year to look like, regarding health, food, finances, friends, family, travel, spiritual life. Here's how I do the resolution thing: I write everything down, committing my resolutions to paper, because I have found that this physical act of writing makes the intention most powerful. Then I save my list, referring to it every day and at the end of January, I spend some time to evaluate how well I have done.

It's all very exciting at the beginning - maybe the first week or so - then I find that my baser, ego-driven nature starts to snarl and beg and threaten sabotage after the honeymoon of January is over. Now is the time to strengthen resolve and maybe even edit my resolution list to make it more doable. Note: Editing is not - I repeat - NOT a cop out and don't treat it like it is. You have to be honest with yourself at this point. For example, if you haven't lost any weight in January despite putting it out there as a resolution, then it's time to reevaluate HOW you are going about achieving this goal, and maybe changing your methods, NOT eliminating the goal entirely.

Do not ever put yourself down if you find that you blew a resolution. Say, one of your resolutions is that you want to eliminate alcohol in your life not because you are an alcoholic (that's a different and more serious story and requires AA or Antabuse or therapy...) but because you want to amp up your spiritual life or you want to lose a few pounds or maybe you are designating January as Detox Month.

But, there's that big party in January and you find yourself in a fugue state with an unknown, weak-willed person inhabiting your body at the food table, and you eat all the hors-d'oeuvres in sight and have a couple of drinks on top of all that. And, of course you have a wonderful time at the party but you wake up the next day with Mr. R.E.Morse sitting squarely on your left shoulder shaking his finger at you.

Here's the key: It's not a big deal. Do not use your momentary back-sliding as an excuse to indulge in self-loathing, because that's just what your ego wants you to do. Get back into the quiet witness that is your true self and leave that nattering idiot of an ego alone. Don't listen! Forgive yourself, and pat yourself on the back for understanding what you just did then "pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again." And read my Archived Hot News called "Stay".

If you find yourself not adhering to one specific resolution, that's the one which will offer you the most valuable lesson and it begs to be looked at deeply. Why can't I not have a drink? Why do I still blow up at my kids? Why can't I spend just 20 minutes twice a day meditating? Why can't I lose weight?

One of two things may be happening here: 1) Perhaps your resolution is not appropriate at this time. For example, "I want to start eating only raw foods" is not a good resolution to start when it is 10 degrees outside with a wind chill factor of 20 below. Put that one on the back burner and "resolve" to look at it when the weather is warmer. 2) Perhaps your resolution needs some help from an outside source, like a therapist or a twelve-step program or a group. For example, "I want to lose 35 pounds by June." This is a wonderful resolution, but if you find yourself consistently "failing", this only means that you may need some outside help in order for you to attain your goal.

I will leave you with one of my favorite stories which oddly, I found as a handout at my Subaru repair shop. Ah, yes, living in Boulder is a wonderful thing! Happy New Year!

"One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two - wolves' inside us all.

'One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, feelings of inferiority, lies, false pride, feelings of superiority and ego.'

'The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, non-violence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith'.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather. 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied. 'The one you feed.'"

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