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Spirituality, Emotions and Health: Part II

"The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are there."

Advaita is the study and the realization of No-Two and the examination of the illusoriness of the world. This is frightening to the ego. If we even remotely start grokking Advaita- as in the above quote - the ego knows that it will start to disintegrate and its importance will diminish. Ego will thrash and yell and scream and undoubtedly try to make you sick in an effort to "Bring your attention back to ME!". It's fighting for its life as your leader, the prime manipulator of your deluded reality and the major veil which hides you from the Big Truth which is this: That we are both emptiness and fullness; that everything matters/nothing matters; that we are only one and that in our truest essence, we are not separate from one another.

You could start doing this right now: Acknowledge the ego, thank it for keeping you safe for lo, these many years, comfort it and let it be. You don't have to be mean to the ego. It's only doing what it thinks its job is. But know deeply that you are not it. You are not your thoughts. You are not what you are thinking and you are not your mind. You are what is behind all this hoo-ha and non-stop thinking. Your mind is like a psychotic chattering monkey holding a leaf blower riding on the back of a bucking bronco in a hurricane. And this crazy scenario becomes your reality. You think it's all real.

Yeah, your ego gets you dressed in the morning, but that's about it. What is the still deep dark silence behind all this interminable doing? What is the screen upon which the thoughts appear? What never ends? Or as one sage said: "I am the unborn and the undying I am." (Nisargadatta) Try to figure that one out.

Every ache and pain, every flu and cold, every minor or major illness tries to keep you from the Truth of who you really are. Yet paradoxically your physical pain has the power to lead you directly to the Truth, if you let it. We are so deeply afraid of losing control, losing the ego's overbearing yet protective influence in our lives and becoming the Nothing Everything Emptiness that we really are, that we unconsciously distract ourselves not only through drink, drugs and gluttony but through illness as well. When we do this, we manage sadly to travel farther and farther from ourselves.

Here is how you might play into the ego's greedy and misanthropic hands: You willingly eat foods that upset you. You willingly drink stuff that disagrees with you. You willingly allow yourself to get too heavy. You willingly stay in unhealthy relationships. You drive too fast. You don't follow the rules. You don't take your supplements even though on some level you know they help keep you well. All the above means that you are playing into punitive ego's hands and it will really come down hard on you. "Pay attention to me, you idiot!" says, Mr. Big Head Ego, "I will make you hurt and be uncomfortable and sick and you won't be able to think about God and Spirit, because you will be concentrating so hard on your pain that you won't have time or inclination."

But you don't listen. Here's what you might do: You willingly walk, run, hike through pain thinking that somehow - magically - this extra jarring and jolting will make the pain in your knee go away. This is a huge duh that most of us will do at some time or other. Actually it makes your pain worse. You can't walk at all now. And it's all your fault. The ego's got you by the shorts, just where it wants you. It's sitting there filing its nails and drinking a Bud, happy as a clam that you are disabled, because now it can fill your head with crap - like pain and non-stop thinking about "How can I fix this?" This way it can keep itself alive for a while longer and keep you from the bigger question. You are too involved with fixing your pain and illness that you can't even contemplate God or Spirit or what you are really all about. What are you really all about? Perfection.

But this illness or disability could be a turning point for you. Use this inability to walk or hike or go to work or see friends; use your fever and your runny nose and your fatigue. Use your enforced disability and solitude to get into yourself, to see what's behind the ego, behind your thoughts. Who or what is watching everything? Sometimes we just need to slow down in order to truly See. Just stop doing and see what happens.

Basically, what I am suggesting is this: Get out of the driver's seat. Give up control. And, if you find yourself responding like this: "What? Give up control? No way! You're crazy!" Remember that it's only your ego/mind talking and your ego/mind is just an impostor who is pretending to be you.

At first, the ego - thinking it's still your CEO - will go kicking and screaming into the good night, raging against the dying of its light, but as you get closer and closer to the truth of yourself as spirit, the ego will eventually capitulate and actually welcome, with great relief, its retirement from the areas in your life in which it has no business. It is no longer the chairman of your board. Spirit is. It is no longer in the driver's seat. Spirit is. And mind-ego will feel this warmth of spirit coming from deep inside of you and feel a vast relief. So will you, now that the ego is relegated to its more appropriate position as shovel in the shed and spatula in the drawer.

So start using your sadness and anger, your aches and pain, and your various illnesses as a metaphor and as a way in - to a deeper understanding of the reality that is trying to reach you. Why are you sick now? If you are in pain, the ego has created this because it feels threatened and because you are closer to the truth and its consequent annihilation. What's coming up? What is trying to be expressed? I believe pain and suffering are part of what is called fierce grace and I believe that discomfort is there for a reason. Use it.

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